The Secret To Giving Less F*cks About What Others ThinkFeb 16, 2021
"But I thought you were spiritual? Educated people and good mothers....they don't use swear words."
Save it, Karen. We don't give a fuck what you think. Plus, foul language doesn't have anything to do with competency whatsoever and can actually be a high-quality linguistic tool when leveraged properly.
God still fucking loves you.
I have a podcast [Choose Again] where I tailor my communication to exclude swear words simply because I want other mothers to be able to feel comfortable if they tune in without headphones around their kids and they're like me - trying to scale back the cursing habit.
In my opinion, you're not a bad mom if you swear around your children. My choice to create a clean broadcast was inspired by my attempt to curb the amount of potty-mouth expressed in their presence. It's not because I give a shit if someone judges me for swearing or if they make up a story about what that means about me as a person.
Judgments fly in at us from all directions. Human beings can't help but try to make sense of the millions of bits of information coming at them every moment of every day. We all must delete, distort, and generalize in order to function. We'd be so beyond overstimulated if we didn't that we'd crash like a PC made in the 90's after downloading 10 SIMS expansion packs.
We have to put things into boxes. This awareness is something that brought me a lot of inner peace when it comes to the judgments of others.
Let me take you back...
There I was: A new mom to two babies under two. I'd just left my high-paying secure, corporate job to stay home with our kids while we started a new business in the cannabis industry.
"What about health insurance?"
"What about your income?"
"Aren't you worried what others will think about you owning a cannabis business?"
"Are you worried people will think you're a stoner-mom?"
"What are you doing to do if this business fails?"
All great questions from concerned individuals who seem to care about me and my young family but I couldn't help but feel judgment on more than one occasion. My choice to leap into completely unknown territory and go after wild entrepreneurial dreams, dreams of likeness that these concerned humans would never come close to, had to seem reckless.
Fortunately, I'm okay with others forming whatever perception of me that they need to in order to make sense of me.
Because here I am: on the edge of society, never fitting in completely and always challenging the collective reality because I'm meant to build a new and different way of life. As my girl Esther Hicks famously said: "There is never a crowd on the leading edge." There are not many of us out here, but it's a fucking special place to be.
Want to join? Keep reading...
Here are a few mindset shifts to help you give less fucks about the judgments and opinions of others:
- Embrace the fact that you may have to always work on this. The human mind is wired for survival meaning that we have a primal desire to fit in, in some capacity, in order to avoid social humiliation. In order to reject this instinct, it takes some inner work and for some of us, it will be a constant in our lives since our hard-wiring may be strong than others. Think of it like a muscle you will build-up; the more you practice removing a need for outside validation, the easier it will get. In order for you to lead an authentic life, this is a skill you need to develop
- We all possess our own unique model of the world AKA our map by which we filter info as it comes in so we can make sense of the world. But our map is not the territory. This means that our map is not reality. For example, imagine that you are in Seattle, Washington. You're also holding a map of Seattle in your hand because you're planning to navigate yourself to a new location. What is Seattle? Is it the place outside the window? Or is it your map? Exactly. This example demonstrates not only that our model of the world isn't the only map, but that our maps aren't reality. It's always filtered.
- Chasing the approval of everyone is an impossible task. There is no possible way that every single person is going to like you. I love the way that this cartoon illustrates what I mean by this:
We all have those certain individuals in our lives...you know the ones! We feel like we need their approval. We need it or else!
But...what if you didn't? What if you didn't care and you were completely neutral to their opinion?
Listen, next time you feel yourself desiring the approval of a certain individual, I want you to pause and ask yourself:
- Why? Why this person?
- Who is this person to me? What is our relationship?
- Does this person have my best interest at heart? Does this person desire for me to live my best, biggest, brightest life?
- What evidence do I have to support this?
- What does this person give to me? What do I give to them? How do we benefit each other's lives? How do they make me feel?
- How do I make them feel? How is that a reflection of themselves and what I’m mirroring back to them about their inner self?
I'm reminded of one of my all time favorite quotes by an undeniable genius:
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind." - Dr. Suess
Building an authentic life is about empowering yourself to do what’s best for you and those you love. It’s about owning who you are and who you’re becoming. You cannot become your best self, your next-level self, if you’re expelling energy worrying about what others think, and seeking their validation.
It's time to step into your biggest, brightest, boldest, most fiercely authentic self and co-create the reality you truly desire - not one that was chosen for you!
We are no longer subscribing to this watered-down version of you. I'm calling you in. Every little imperfect bit of you. You're safe here.
I love you.